People Pleasing
When we talk about “people pleasing” it describes a way of relating to other people where you de-prioritize or disregard your own needs to accommodate other people, often due to a worry about being abandoned by them if you don’t. It often results in relationship burnout—feeling drained or exhausted from being around other people—or in resentment.
If you struggle with people pleasing, it can be really draining constantly trying to anticipate and adapt to what others expect from you. It is hard to relax and be present with others when you are anxious about avoiding possible disagreements or how to say no to an invitation you are anticipating. You may even be unclear about your likes/dislikes, true desires or even your own emotions at times.
Complex Trauma
Many people are familiar with the idea of “trauma” to be addressed in therapy: that kind of symptomology occurs when the brain and body are so overwhelmed by an experience that it is difficult for a person to return to a relaxed state from a triggered or activated state.
Complex Trauma results from a series of traumatic experiences that usually happen over a period of months or years. In addition to familiar PTSD symptoms, such as hypervigilance/anxiety, flashbacks and avoidance, Complex Trauma can often cause a distorted sense of self, intense waves of emotions and difficulty in friendships and romantic relationships.
In life, this might look like a pattern in relationships with friends and/or family where there are episodic explosive arguments and you often feel like you’re not being protected or like you’re not important; or it may manifest as you taking care of other people and not trusting others to want or be able to take care of you in the same way.
Relationships & Breakups
Whether you are experienced being in romantic relationships or not, you may encounter patterns, dynamics or situations in your relationship that cause a reaction in you that doesn’t feel like the you that you recognize. This can be confusing, uncomfortable and even worrisome to try to confront.
Whether to approach this through individual therapy or couples’ therapy is situation-dependent, and we can make progress no matter what you decide.